The Idiots' Gallery

By us, and any number of ill-mannered apes

Surprisingly, we don't get all that many Idiot's Gallery e-mail, or not as much as you think.

Unsurprisingly, it's been years since we've heard an original idea expressed in any of these misarticulated bombasts. It's gotten to the point where we figured we'd help along the various mouthbreathers by providing them with a fill-out form to help them shake the cobwebs out and actually send us a prefabricated version of what they were already going to send us anyway -- all in the interests of efficiency and a good laugh. Thank Faz for most of this -- she can fillet, slice, and dice brilliantly enough to work at a Beni Hana.

Dear 3rdwwwave women Kim lesbians uptight bitches ,

I
liked your website.
think feminism is a good thing and like most of what you have to say.
am okay with feminism and supposedly agree with 10% 25% 50% 90% none, I already know it all of what you have to say on your website even though I've only looked at the Real Man Article.
read your website and am confused.
hate your website sight unseen.

I'm a nice guy because
I never did any of That Stuff.
I never raped anyone.
I've even washed the dishes and done a load of laundry.
I'm a feminist too, and a sympathetic male.
I'm a really swell guy who even had a girlfriend for a while even though she bailed on me for reasons that have nothing to do with my constant irritating nitpicking on feminist issues.
I'm a Cro-Magnon man (at least better than Neanderthal!).

Now don't get me wrong,
I think the issues you bring up are important and I support your efforts but I disagreed with some (most) things you said.
I think feminism is okay and I support you, but I think you've got a lot of stuff wrong and will proceed to expound upon it all in gory and obnoxious detail.
I disagreed with a bunch of stuff and I'm going to ignore anything I might have agreed with in favor of pestering you about the things I (mememememe) didn't like.
I think you have nothing better to do than listen to MEMEMEMEMEME make these incredibly profound and insightful comments on your site. How else are you going to get the Incredibly Rare Male Perspective to round out your site?
but I'm just e-mailing y'all to get a kick out of saying that you're a bunch of lesbians. I have no life.

But you're wrong about
Essay X, paragraph 6, subsection N.2. Therefore I can't really respect your feminist ideals or feel compassion for all that you are frustrated about, because this detail makes me feel: threatened guilty uncomfortable picked on .
this particular subject, even though it's something that men have imposed on other men from the dawn of time; it's All Women's Fault for not doing away with it for us so that our lives will be even easier than before.
just about everything, even though I said I like 90% of what you had to say. For example, I think marrying a 14 year old is a turnoff, but that doesn't excuse feminism from not telling me whether I should open the door for the chick walking into the same building.

Feminism is, of course, to blame for everything ranging from
the breakup of the Nu-kyoo-lar Family.
the rise in violence in our society.
the rise of gay visibility.
the rise of fatalities from traffic accidents.
hangnails.

You need to
speak more kindly, even though you're passionately upset about young women having acid thrown in their faces and on your last raw nerve about having to do twice the work when you're married because getting angry about it makes me feel like a bad guy. I'm not one of those wife beater type guys, so if I feel guilty it's not because I'm ashamed of the wife beater type guys, it's because you're making me feel that way. Not fair. Feminism will never succeed so long as I feel twinges. I still support you though, so keep up the good work!
Tone down your anger, because we guys will just tune you out and not listen to you if we feel like you're being angry and not girly sweet enough. Feminism will never succeed unless you can present your ideas as emotionless automatons. I still think you're doing something important so keep at it.
write in shorter words so I can understand what you wrote. Feminism sucks.
loosen up and admit that men are superior.
get a good fuck (and I know who can provide just that).
drop dead.

I
sincerely hope you write me back saying that you feel awful for making me feel bad.
look forward to your response so that I can debate it (viz. "nitpick the living crap out of it and simultaneously miss the point") until you all go narcoleptic from boredom.
am waiting for you to take the bait and write me back so I have free license to send you a dozen more long essays about what's wrong with your point of view. Even though I support you.
am just so proud of myself for calling you a lesbian and surely making you cry and get fwustwated.
want to say nothing more profound than HAVE FUN CARPET MUNCHERS, as I am ignorant of the fact that having fun is the whole goal of carpet-munching and thus I have missed the point entirely.

Sincerely,
yet another frustrated dweeb
some nameless college freshman
the most important person in the entire world
someone who's going to get his ass kicked by his big brother for using his computer
someone whose wife/girlfriend just left him and he's feeling a wee bit bitter right now

Other Idiot's Gallery Victims:

• They won't marry us! Boo-hoo!